


confusing

by perixinkle



Category: Rick and Morty
Genre: Ableist Language, Angst, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Flashbacks, Hearing Voices, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Rape/Non-con Elements, Rick Being an Asshole, Sexual Abuse, Verbal Abuse, WHATS THE DIFFERENCE, a bit of ED, i got carried away, i think, just flashbacks, morty is messed up, not c-137, nothing actually happens, president morty - Freeform, rick is a piece of shit, vent fic, vent vent vent, yep
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-07
Updated: 2017-11-07
Packaged: 2019-01-30 18:05:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,496
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12658680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/perixinkle/pseuds/perixinkle
Summary: Morty never had any self esteem or much of a personality at all, but now, he's just a broken shell of a teenager full of self doubt and questions. Questions that he couldn't conjure up an answer to. Questions that got answered by the snarling voices in his head, the most prominent one Rick. His own voice got shoved far, far back into the bottom of his mind, and whenever he tried to think for himself, the voices would shout and yell, making his head pound. He would clutch at his scalp and rip a few hairs off, and end up crying, feeling like Rick was there, taunting him. So he started to not think at all.He was on autopilot.





	confusing

**Author's Note:**

> im bad at writing fics  
> and this is just a vent fic that got carried away

Morty remembers a lot. Well, sometimes he can't remember anything at all. It's confusing. Everything about his life is confusing, it always has been, but he can't grasp most things now.

_You've never been able to, anyways._  whispered a gruff voice in his head. He slaps himself, and the voice stops temporarily.

He doesn't choose what to remember. He can't. He tried. It's hard to do anything that requires a significant amount of brain power in his head. His voices hinder him.

_Not that there really was anything you could do. You never had any potential._

Morty shakes his head and blinks, though he can't tell if he actually did blink or not, given it was pitch black in his room, the exception his digital alarm clock in the corner of his eye. He looks at it, the clock flashing 2:39am at him mockingly.

He scoffs.

2:39.

 

* * *

 

  
_"I'm Morty GQ-239!" He said, stepping backwards, feeling his back hit the wall, Summer whimpering like a wuss next to him. They were on their way to rescue Rick from prison._

_Well, not really. Summer was going off and off about Rick being her hero, but Morty knew he wasn't one. He was far from one. Morty just had to prove it. So now here they were in GQ-239, with the world ruined, full of praying mantis monsters. It all happened in a few seconds. VQ-239 Beth had destroyed the portal gun, a portal appeared with three Guard Ricks emerging from it. They froze Beth, Jerry and Summer._

_"We detected a broken portal gun, where is your Rick?"_

_"He's in prison!" Summer stepped forward, hands in the air. "We were on our way to save him!"_

_"Summer.." I sighed._  
  


* * *

 

 

Morty was back brought to reality as he punched his bed in anger. He wanted to leave Rick there. He deserved to be there, with everything he had caused. But _Summer.._

Summer just had to be _oh-so in love_ with grandpa. She didn't know all the groping, the uncomfortable feeling of waking up in your bed with your boxers and jeans pooled down at your feet and dry cum on your stomach.

That was actually the reason Morty couldn't sleep sometimes, and it's the same case now. The thought of Rick playing with him while he sleeps, and wakes up unknowing, makes him want to lurch and afraid to close his eyes for more than a second, even though it's virtually impossible for Rick to get to him now.

She didn't know how many times the Smith family had their memories erased, because of something they heard or saw. She didn't know the feeling of losing your sanity, turning into a mess of self-doubt and questions.

She didn't know how it feels to not know the difference of reality and your own hallucinations, the feeling of not knowing whether you were manipulated to think like this, think like that, to have a memory of this and that, to not know what has recently happened to you. The feeling of not knowing whether you were wrong or right. Because all you know is that you know nothing and he knows everything.

He almost wishes she did. But he's not like Rick.

_Are you sure? You're growing up to be just like him._

_What if he's the nice person and you're just trying to make him look bad?_

Morty let out a strangled shout, punching the wall. He wishes he could erase his memories like Rick has done to his family, but he didn't know where it was. He doesn't know anything. He's just a dumb, overdramatic, annoying piece of shit. Rick said so.

He knows he shouldn't believe in the shit the bastard has told him, but in nights like these, his mind keeps replaying Rick's insults over and over like a broken record.

Morty's a broken record to Rick, apparently. Sometimes Rick would mock Morty's voice, a high-pitched voice with deliberate voice cracking, with too much stuttering and _"Oh jeez, Rick"_ s. Sometimes Rick would mock Morty's laugh too, and Rick would laugh at how offended Morty was. He'd always say something like _"It's-it's just a joke, je*urrrrrp*ez Morty. Don't get all in-all in y-you-your feelings."_

Rick's voice. He hated how vivid Rick's voice was in his mind. He could remember how Rick moaned, how he'd moan _"I-I love you Mo-Morty"_ and how Morty never talked about it because Rick would just get angry at him. Morty knew he didn't mean it anyways. He could remember his gruff voice going _"Be a good-be a good slut for me, Morty."_ He was never a good slut for Rick. He was never enough.

He was either too much or too little.

_Useless._

**_Shut up._ **

Morty rubs his eyes and looks at the clock. 3:04. He's exhausted, but his mind won't let him sleep. He sits up on the bed, ripping the covers off him. He's been laying on his bed for about 5 hours, thinking and contemplating, not being able to sleep. He gives up on that now. He gets out of his bedroom and walks over to the kitchen, footsteps light, careful not to wake anyone, but he's sure Summer and Beth are still awake, thinking like him.

Morty turns on the kitchen lights, opens the fridge and grabs some cookies, wondering why someone would put cookies in a fridge.

_Are people supposed to put cookies in fridges?_  He didn't know. He was just a dummy.

He walks down the hallway, 'accidentally' passing by Rick's bedroom. No one's dared to touch it, not even Morty. Everyone spares a glance at the door or two, and when they do, they look at Morty.

So what does Morty do when he looks at Rick's bedroom door? Well, Morty likes to think he's not good at remembering stuff, but he remembers everything about Rick. Every single detail. Looking at the door, he remembers when Rick was taken away.

* * *

_Morty was bruised with fresh scars on his body, clothes torn and dirty. Rick looked similar. Morty didn't think it was a big deal, since it was just the aftermath of taking an item from a planet, aliens from planet chasing them, then getting away with the item in hand. The most typical adventure._

_"S-S-So Rick, what does-what does this uh, this th-thing do?" He asked quietly, walking next to Rick in their hallways, oblivious to the fact they were right by Rick's bedroom, and that Rick has somehow turned said alien item into a serum._

_"Doesn't- doesn't ma*urrrp*tter, Morty."_

_"Rick, y-you--" Morty was cut off when Rick injected the serum in his arm, feeling his brain start to fog instantly, a familiar feeling pooling in his abdomen, every inch of his skin sensitive. He falls down but still has a bit of control to be able to sit on the floor, his hands gripping at the walls, trying to stand up but failing._

_Beth was walking down the hallway when she sees Rick inject her son with.. something. Rick didn't hear her, but Morty saw Beth and he was terrified, even if his brain seemed sluggish and his body on fire._

_Rick bends down to get his stupid smug ass face closer to Morty, his shoe pressing down on Morty's crotch. "You-you like that, Morty? Now you- now you can't- you won't complain like your whiny- whiny little ass usually do*urrrrp*es when I fuck you."_

_"Dad! what the fuck?!" Beth ran in front of Morty so that Rick couldn't touch him. She would never let that bastard touch him ever again. She inwardly cringes at the thought of this happening to Summer too._

_"Mom," Morty sobbed, his arms barely reaching to hug her legs._

_Rick looked genuinely surprised, but also offended. "Oh-oh hi, sweetie."_

_"Have you- have you been fuck- molesting my teen- fourteen year old underage son?! Your fucking grandson, Dad!" She shouted, starting to stutter from anger, her face turning red, dangerously close to her shirt._

_Rick was discreetly feeling around his labcoat for his memory-wiping gun, but Morty destroyed it. Rick didn't know, though. The commotion caused Jerry and Summer to come, Jerry shocked and also confused, Summer completely destroyed._

_"Rick?" murmured Jerry, while Summer, with tears in her eyes, looked back and forth at Morty and Rick, whispering "Grandpa..?"_

_"HAVE YOU?!" She screamed at him._

_Everyone stopped as a bright green portal opened to their side, four Ricks in uniform and a Morty in a business suit emerging. Rick was going to use this as an advantage, starting to kick Beth's shin, but one of the guard Ricks shot him with a gun._

_Beth stepped away from Rick as he fell to the floor, still conscious, but disoriented. A guard Rick, with a freckle below his eye, cuffed Rick's wrists together. Jerry looked even more confused, Summer still in shock._

_Morty didn't want to be close to Rick right now, he so was just pathetically shivering, wanting to get away from Rick but not being able to as the drug Rick gave him made him stifle a moan everytime his limbs moved. The Morty in the suit kneeled down in front of him, scanning Morty._

_"Oof." Suit-Morty made a face. "LS-92, get the Aphrysoluxe and the Hexfephyl antidote."_

_One of the guards, which Morty assumed was LS-92, looked vaguely shocked before nodding, shooting a portal infront of him and going in it. He assumed it was to get the antidote. The three remaining guards held Rick._

_"Wha-whas wih the-theeee aphwee--" Morty blushed visibly, the drug slurring his speech. Suit-Morty cut him off, smiling at him pitifully._

_"Aphrysoluxe is a strong rare aphrosodiac. Hexfephyl is a bit more dangerous, it basically, uh, fucks with your brain, and eventually your motor skills when in long term use, and is a long term effect when not treated immediately. Mixing Aphrysoluxe and Hexfephyl together leads to an explosion, so that's why we're surprised." Suit-Morty continued._

_Morty took a few seconds to process, but when he did, he murmured "Hooooory shiit," and started to hyperventilate. What the fuck has Rick done to him?_

_"GQ-239, it's okay," Suit-Morty comforted him as LS-92 came back with a small box with two test tubes and syringes in it. LS-92 gave it to Suit-Morty who started to clean the syringes and put the first liquid, a bright green, inside. "You're gonna be okay, Morty."_

_It was a bit of a blur, but after Suit-Morty finished the second injection, he felt better and more alert. Morty's eyes watered, suddenly hugging Suit-Morty._

_"Th-thank you.."_

_Suit-Morty looked surprised for a second, but hugged him back in one arm. He looked at LS-92 pointedly and LS-92 started putting test tubes and syringes back in the box. But for Morty, more alert means.. The realization of what happened dawned on him and he bursted out crying, sobs wracking his body, still hugging Suit-Morty._

_"Thank you- thank you so-so-so much I-I, I wanted him to-to stop but he-he never did, he just-- he just, y'know! Continued being- being a-a-a stupid kind of- of Rick.." he blabbered into Suit-Morty's chest, Suit-Morty shushing him. Beth kneeled down, tears running from her eyes silently, hugging her Morty. Summer did too. Jerry did too. He knew how Morty felt but.. Not this bad.. Suit-Morty started to let go, feeling awkward in a family that wasn't his actual family's group hug, but Beth pulled him back._

_After a Rick burped, and when GQ-239 Rick started stirring, his eyes adjusting to the light, they let go and the family looked at Suit-Morty._

_"Who are you, angel?" Morty asked._

_"I'm not an angel," Suit-Morty laughed. "I don't remember my dimension number, but I'm the President of the Citadel of Ricks."_

_"Wait, what?!" GQ-239 Rick and Morty asked, with violently different expressions._

_"Mortys can be president?!" Morty asked excitedly, gleefully. President Morty nodded._

_"Did you-did you fu-fuck your w-w-way up top, you little- you little brat?" GQ-239 Rick murmured and Morty flinched, but President Morty ignored him._

_"I'm President Morty, and I'm getting rid of the Ricks that assaulted their Mortys from the Citadel. There's a lot more than you think. They just never speak of it, or get their memories erased."_

_Beth cringed. Her father was an asshole in a lot of timelines._

_"R-Really..? I'm not the-the only one?" Morty asked astonishedly._

_President Morty nodded again. "Now we created a scanner that scans every dimension's Ricks and Mortys and we stop the Ricks that are bad enough to do this to their Mortys."_

_"Y-You-You're amazing.." murmured Morty while GQ-239 Rick rolled his eyes and groaned._

_President Morty chuckled. "Just helping out other Mortys. Anyway Morty, you can decide what happens to your Rick, and if you want a new one. We can kill him, or torture him, or just keep him locked so he can think about what he's done like a child in timeout.."_

_He stops just to hear the guards giggle, while GQ-239 Rick kicks his legs into the air, the move being useless._

_"I understand if you don't want a new Rick for a while, or a new dimension. However, I'll give you my transdimensional number, so if you've made a decision, you can call me." President Morty gets his wallet from his pocket, getting a small business card and giving it to Morty who took it with shaking hands._

_"Don't feel pressured. If you can't decide, we'll put your Rick in the Citadel of Ricks with house arrest and an unbreakable shock collar that activates any time he touches a Morty, so he can't do shit there, either."_

_Morty nods, putting the card in his jeans pocket. "I'll- I'll uh, think about it.. Y-You can just keep him in- in house arrest or something."_

_GQ-239 Rick scoffs. "Morty, you're being a- being a baby. I-I-I didn't even do anything ho*urrrrp*rrible to you."_

_Morty stands up and bites his lip, fists clenching. "You know- you're a monster, Rick! You're like Hitler but- but even--"_

_"Shut up, Mor-" Rick gets cut off by his own 'hnnng' noise as a guard Rick injects him with something. "W-wh-what the hell did you do?"_

_"Morty, I know you hate him and you want to crush him but you don't want to physically hurt him. Now you can. Get all of the anger out, it's healthy. The serum we injected gave him a high tolerance to pain, and clears up any wounds, major or minor, but lets the bruises stay. It also paralyzed his limbs and head so he can't fight back. And gives him a mark on his hand so other Ricks will know he's a piece of shit."_  
  


* * *

 

 

Morty's flashback ends as he realizes he's been punching the hallways' wall instead of Rick's body. Anger dissipates from him and he sighs, shoving a cookie in his mouth. He's been stress eating a lot, noticing his stomach get bigger everytime.

_Fat ass._

_**Stop.** _

It's been about four months since Rick was taken away, but the family hasn't moved on from it and neither has Morty. Every breakfast, lunch and dinner, any time they were all together, a strange aura filled the room, and Morty felt his families stare burn into him worse than being fucked dry.

Morty doesn't know what he feels every time his mind thinks of Rick. He's all he ever thinks about, anyways. Sometimes he feels anger or sadness but the most worrying thing was love. Comfort, happiness. Rick was his only friend, or relative he was close to. He feels like Rick still is, given how his parents and sister will never see him the same way again. They still love him, of course, but there's this feeling creeping up, slithering beneath their voices and their actions that Morty can never put a finger on.

_It's because you're a dirty, filthy whore._

**_Shut up._ **

He hated Rick. Sometimes he loved him, and it was confusing. It always was. He hated the fact that there where cycles wherein Rick would tell him nothing but harsh insults, reflected by the way he grabs and pushes Morty around, then he'd act normal. Like they first were in their adventures where Rick only moved in weeks ago. Then he'd act how he did when Morty confessed to Rick about his feelings for him. He'd tell him he loved him.

_Yeah,_ Morty laughs bitterly. Rick would tell him he loved Morty for who he was, and that he didn't have to worry. They contemplated running away from it all, but Morty was always afraid to. _Now I know why._  They would build gadgets together and have fun and laugh and make love. Morty shudders thinking about it.

Rick would moan in his ear, _God, I fucking-- I love you baby, grandaddy's baby boy._  Morty can't get it out of his head. He tried. He feels sick to his stomach whenever he'd remember.

But then one day Rick would tell him he's a piece of shit, dramatic, annoying, clingy, oversensitive. That's what Morty hated the most. Rick would have him feeling amazing in every way, only the next day to be brought down. Unpredictability. Rick was unpredictable. Morty would wake up everyday scared that Rick would come and tell him 'Fuck you, Morty, you stupid- stupid piece of shit.' and flip Morty over, fucking him right then and there, Morty crying as his ass bled. Half the time, he was right.

Morty can't let go. He's more or less attached to Rick. He'd be thinking that he's done with Rick once and for all but his mind would come back crawling to Rick, everything that reminded him of Rick, late at night. Late at night where he can't numb his mind, where there's nothing that can distract him. Just Morty and his mind.

Sometimes Morty would call President Morty's number, hanging up when a Rick secretary would burp in his ear and asked how he'd help.

_You should stop bothering them, bothering everyone with your existence._

**_Stop._ **

Sometimes he'd sleep in the garage, labcoat around his arms. Sometimes he'd throw a mini tantrum in his room, ripping apart everything Rick made for him. Sometimes he'd look at pictures of him and Rick and cry himself to sleep.

He's pathethic.

Morty never had any self esteem or much of a personality at all, but now, he's just a broken shell of a teenager full of self doubt and questions. Questions that he couldn't conjure up an answer to. Questions that got answered by the snarling voices in his head, the most prominent one Rick. His own voice got shoved far, far back into the bottom of his mind, and whenever he tried to think for himself, the voices would shout and yell, making his head pound. He would clutch at his scalp and rip a few hairs off, and end up crying, feeling like Rick was there, taunting him. So he started to not think at all. His voices would comment on what he's currently doing, sometimes they'd command them and he would follow. He was on autopilot.

Memories sometimes came flooding and he couldn't do anything to stop it. He will never be the person he was once ever again. He was just a body. His voices were now his thoughts, and he couldn't control them. But they could control him.

Morty started to walk towards the master bedroom, dropping his cookie as he didn't feel hungry anymore. The flashback kept replaying in his mind.

The knob cold on his hand, Morty slowly opened the door to his parents' bedroom. Just as he had expected, Beth was up reading something on her phone. _Maybe a book,_ he assumes.

_What do you know? You're just a dummy._ a voice in his head said.

Morty didn't know if he was actually the one who assumed it was a book. A flash of panic coursed through him, but it tapered away as one of his voices told him to shut up and calm down. It was scary not knowing which thoughts were your own.

_You aren't worthy of thoughts or sentience, Morty. You're as dumb as they come_ **_._ **

_**Shut up**._

His heart started beating faster until the sweet voice of his mother brought him back and instantly calmed his nerves. "Morty?"

"Hi- hi mom. Can I, uh, sleep here to-tonight?"

Beth sat up and puts her phone on the bedside table, scooting over to the right, creating space between herself and Jerry, who was snoring quietly. She pats the space on her bed gently. "Are you thinking about it again, sweetie?"

Morty gets on the bed gingerly as to not disturb his father. She winds an arm around Morty's shoulder when he sits next to her.

"Yes." Morty finally whispered after a moment of silence.

Beth hugs him.

"I love you, Morty."

Morty ignores the dull ache and the screaming in his head.

"I love you too, Mom."

**Author's Note:**

> idk if i'll continue and i don't know how to  
> pls be gentle, i don't really post my works on any social platform  
> i'd like constructive criticism and tips and all that, or just your two cents  
> thanks for reading ~


End file.
